I have to be totally honest with you guys, in 2018 my marriage was not at its best. Actually it was awful. I’m just being real. Constantly bumping heads. Never could have a decent conversation without someone getting offended. Arguments were at an all time high. No one wanted to listen to the other. Trust was broken. It was just a total mess.
I wanted so much to blame Tyler for everything. I felt like I wasn’t getting the attention that I needed. I thought there is no way he could be upset with me when I am doing everything right. (Boy that was so far from the truth). At one point, I remember thinking to myself there is no way we can come back from this. We literally were at a crossroads. No one knew what to do to fix the mess that we both had created. Notice I said ‘both.’
There were months where I prayed and heard absolutely nothing. Days where I cried and wondered if God was ever going to help me figure this thing out. But I literally heard nothing for months. Talk about being angry. Angry because I was pouring out to God, but was getting absolutely nothing.
It wasn’t until I was at my lowest when I heard God speak to me. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to fix things on my own and I heard the voice of God. He said to me what are you doing that could change this situation. You are so busy pointing the finger at Tyler that you are not looking at what you are doing wrong. Of course me with my smart mouth say, What you mean?! What could I be doing better? I’m the one who hasn’t done anything wrong? Ha!
God showed me how I was treating Tyler. How I wasn’t listening to the things that he was concerned with. How I would blow him off from time to time. Ignoring his needs. Never being there for him or spending time with him.
Talk about a punch in the stomach. I wasn’t physically hurting him, however I was mentally and emotionally. Yes, I may have been hurting but I also could have prevented some of the hurt that I was feeling. You never want to have those “if only” thoughts. If only I could have did this better or if only I could have said this instead of that. Those were the questions that I was left with. And instantly a change began in me.
It’s funny how when you pray over your marriage or your relationship, God mostly always show you what you are doing wrong. He shows you what you could be doing better. That is exactly what happened to me. I wanted so much for God to change Tyler that He ended up changing me. By doing a change in me started the process of the change in my marriage.
No my marriage is not nearly close to being perfect or what it used to be. But we are definitely not where we were. I think God was trying to show me that my marriage isn’t perfect and I’m not perfect so stop trying to show people how perfect I am because I’m not. It’s always about the image that we put on. Never do we allow people to see the real us. We only show just the good. We put up smiling pictures, but behind those smiles someone could be hurting. Trust me I know. That was me.
True transparency to others is what heals you. It wasn’t until I confessed to God and a friend that true healing began to take place in my marriage. I now take full responsibility of the part that I played. Once that was realized I begin to do things differently. You will never get different results if you continue to do the same thing. Certain things had to change and are still changing and that is okay as long as we are heading in the right direction.
No one wants to take their masks off. We try to compete with other people’s relationships or we look at someone else’s marriage to compare. No one’s relationship is the same. Everyone is dealing with something. It’s how we deal with those differences that makes a marriage or any relationship strong. It’s time we allow people to see the real us. Allow those you trust to speak life in you as well as in your relationship.
Don’t get too comfortable in your relationships or marriages. We get lazy or we allow the busyness of every day life to distract us. Well, it’s time for the distractions to be removed. Allow God to speak to you about what you could improve on in your relationship. Don’t spend too much time pointing the finger. But instead see what you could do better in order to make your relationship a true success.
This year I am trying things a little differently. I want to be more transparent and open. Not to just help me through the process, but to also encourage you to be open with someone that you trust. Healing takes place when you open up to someone. Don’t be afraid to take off your mask.