Everything is not Always What it Seems

Everything is not Always What it Seems

I have to be totally honest with you guys, in 2018 my marriage was not at its best.  Actually it was awful.  I’m just being real.  Constantly bumping heads.  Never could have a decent conversation without someone getting offended.  Arguments were at an all time high.  No one wanted to listen to the other.  Trust was broken.  It was just a total mess.

I wanted so much to blame Tyler for everything.  I felt like I wasn’t getting the attention that I needed.  I thought there is no way he could be upset with me when I am doing everything right.  (Boy that was so far from the truth).  At one point, I remember thinking to myself there is no way we can come back from this.  We literally were at a crossroads.  No one knew what to do to fix the mess that we both had created.  Notice I said ‘both.’

There were months where I prayed and heard absolutely nothing.  Days where I cried and wondered if God was ever going to help me figure this thing out.  But I literally heard nothing for months.  Talk about being angry.  Angry because I was pouring out to God, but was getting absolutely nothing.

It wasn’t until I was at my lowest when I heard God speak to me.  It wasn’t until I stopped trying to fix things on my own and I heard the voice of God.  He said to me what are you doing that could change this situation.  You are so busy pointing the finger at Tyler that you are not looking at what you are doing wrong.  Of course me with my smart mouth say, What you mean?!  What could I be doing better?  I’m the one who hasn’t done anything wrong?  Ha!

God showed me how I was treating Tyler.  How I wasn’t listening to the things that he was concerned with.  How I would blow him off from time to time.  Ignoring his needs.  Never being there for him or spending time with him.

Talk about a punch in the stomach.  I wasn’t physically hurting him, however I was mentally and emotionally.  Yes, I may have been hurting but I also could have prevented some of the hurt that I was feeling.  You never want to have those “if only” thoughts.  If only I could have did this better or if only I could have said this instead of that.  Those were the questions that I was left with.  And instantly a change began in me.

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It’s funny how when you pray over your marriage or your relationship, God mostly always show you what you are doing wrong.  He shows you what you could be doing better.  That is exactly what happened to me.  I wanted so much for God to change Tyler that He ended up changing me.  By doing a change in me started the process of the change in my marriage.

No my marriage is not nearly close to being perfect or what it used to be.  But we are definitely not where we were.  I think God was trying to show me that my marriage isn’t perfect and I’m not perfect so stop trying to show people how perfect I am because I’m not.  It’s always about the image that we put on.  Never do we allow people to see the real us.  We only show just the good.  We put up smiling pictures, but  behind those smiles someone could be hurting.  Trust me I know.  That was me.

True transparency to others is what heals you.  It wasn’t until I confessed to God and a friend that true healing began to take place in my marriage.  I now take full responsibility of the part that I played.  Once that was realized I begin to do things differently.  You will never get different results if you continue to do the same thing.  Certain things had to change and are still changing and that is okay as long as we are heading in the right direction.

No one wants to take their masks off.  We try to compete with other people’s relationships or we look at someone else’s marriage to compare.  No one’s relationship is the same.  Everyone is dealing with something.  It’s how we deal with those differences that makes a marriage or any relationship strong.  It’s time we allow people to see the real us.  Allow those you trust to speak life in you as well as in your relationship.

Don’t get too comfortable in your relationships or marriages.  We get lazy or we allow the busyness of every day life to distract us.  Well, it’s time for the distractions to be removed.  Allow God to speak to you about what you could improve on in your relationship.  Don’t spend too much time pointing the finger.  But instead see what you could do better in order to make your relationship a true success.

This year I am trying things a little differently.  I want to be more transparent and open.  Not to just help me through the process, but to also encourage you to be open with someone that you trust.  Healing takes place when you open up to someone.  Don’t be afraid to take off your mask.

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A Word

A Word

Just like myself, I know most of you are reflecting over the things that went on in 2018.  What could have been done better?  How can I make 2019 a better year.  What goals do I need to set for new year? Etc.  Reflection is great.  But what I have been thinking about the most is my focus word for the year.

A lot of you may have heard me talk about my focus word before.  But for those who are new to TGR…About 3 years ago, I listened to an end of the year message by Pastor Steven Furtick where he talked about how he gives his church a focus word for the year to come.  Going into that year, they would focus on this particular word and really strive to make that word a part of their every day life.  Ever since, my family and I give ourselves a focus word that will drive the course of our year.

For 2018, my family chose the word ‘giving.’  2018 was the year that we really wanted to focus on giving to others.  It wasn’t just with money, but with our time, gifts, or simply just a listening ear.  We wanted giving to become a part of our everyday life.  And as I look back over the year, I don’t think we did so well.  Lol.  Just being honest.  But that’s not going to stop me from continuing our tradition.

During my prayer time,  I heard God tell me what would become our 2019 focus word.  I honestly believe that it is more for me than my family.  But of course I will share with Tyler to see what he thinks.  But God gave me the word intentional.  A word that is super uncomfortable for me.

And here is why…

Being intentional means that I really have to be there for people and even myself.  I never want to disappoint people but of course this is life and we are definitely going to disappoint.  Being intentional means that you have to go out of your way and do things for others.  Something I’m just simply not use to doing.  But I know that is where God is taking me in 2019.

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He told me to be intentional with my time with Him.  To not miss another birthday.  Be more sexy and confident for my husband (For my married people lol).  Make my husband feel wanted and loved.  Cook for my family more.  Be more open about what is going on in my life to those I trust.  Continue to spend time with my family.  Enjoy the milestones that my daughter takes.  Continue writing and making YouTube videos.  Get back involved at church.  Find more married friendships.  Find a mentor.  The list goes on.  And ya’ll to be honest I’m scared.  I’m scared that I may disappoint, but I know it has to be done because God is calling me to something greater.  I have to step outside of myself and focus on what He is asking me to do for the new year.

Being intentional will do a lot of things for my relationships.  I want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, and friend.  Now being intentional does not always mean that I am going to be at every function or be your “Yes” person.  No!  It also means even giving people the hard truth when those things need to be said.  Being intentional for me is being there for people, but in the right way.  If a relationship was to fail, I want to make sure that I have done everything that I could before it ends.

I want each of you to try to figure out your focus word that will drive the course of your year.  Spend some time with God this week and ask Him what He would like for your word to be for 2019.  And I’m not going to lie.  What He asks of you may be super uncomfortable, but I know it is going to be well worth it.  I’m right here with you.  This word is totally out of my comfort zone, but God is calling me to something bigger than myself in 2019.  I cannot put it into words, but I know that He is preparing me for something so much greater than I can see.  And He will do the same for you.

What is that one word that God is asking you to devote your entire year to?  What is God wanting your year to look like?  What ever He gives you be sure to write that word some where that you can see it everyday.  Be it on your bathroom mirror or even stick it on your refrigerator.  Keep it somewhere in front of you where you can always be reminded each day.  Let it drive your day and watch how God work your entire year for the good.

I would love to hear from you!  Be sure to comment your focus word and how it will affect your 2019.

New Year Who ‘Dis

New Year Who ‘Dis

I love when the new year rolls around because you get to see how everyone gets so focused and determined to make the year better than the year before.  I’m all for making things better for the days ahead.  I like to focus on the things from the previous year and what I learned from it so I can take the things that I learned into the new year.

I have to be honest, 2018 was just not my year.  Point. Blank. Period.  It just wasn’t a good year for me.  Yes, I had some amazing moments, but the year in itself just wasn’t good to your girl.  But the things that I learned from this year made me the best person.  And for that I am thankful for the lows that I had in this year.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

I know what you are saying…So you are telling me that when I have chaos in my life that I should be happy about it?  Same question I asked.  I’m like wait who would say that.  There is nothing fun about having trouble and problems in your life.  The things that I went through in 2018 was not fun at all.  However, I did notice I was becoming a better person and most importantly I relied on God through every moment.

There were a lot of things that I learned in 2018 that can be summed up in 4 ways.  So with the new year just around the corner I wanted to share with you guys what I learned and how I was going to take what I learned into 2019.

New year who 'dis

  1. Never stop praying.  There were so many times where I just wanted to give up.  The hurt and the pain was just too much.  But not once did I ever stop praying.  I may have fussed with God about what was going on in my life, but not once did I ever stop communicating with Him.  There are things that are still uncertain and unclear as I head into the new year, but because I have a relationship with God, I am not afraid of the unknown.  I don’t care how bad things may seem don’t ever stop talking with God.  That is the one relationship you will always need.  Things may be a little fuzzy right now, but always call on the One who can make things clear.
  2. Forgive.  This is probably a hard one.  Most of the time you want to retaliate any time someone hurts you.  Trust me I get it!  There were times where I tried to intentionally hurt someone because of how they hurt me.  But that is not our job to do.  We are actually meant to forgive and let God take care of them.  Forgiveness is not for the other person it is for you.  It is to free yourself from those who may have hurt you.  The biggest hurt you can put on someone is by simply forgiving them and moving forward.
  3. It’s always about your heart.  Have you ever noticed any time that you have prayed for people who have hurt you, you expect God to do something to them but instead He changes you.  Yeah that happened to me multiple times in 2018.  For example, I may pray that my husband communicates better but God end up showing me how I can communicate better with my husband.  By changing the way I communicate changes the way my husband communicates.  It always falls back on you.  Often times we think if only that person would do a, b, or c.  But what if you did the things that you wanted the other person to do.  You will see an immediate change in that person all because you took the first step in being better.  God always changes your heart.  Even if you never see the change in a person, you will always see the change in you.  Be the kind of good that you want to see in other people.
  4. You need people.  This is the hardest one for me because I always think I can handle things on my own.  Honestly, I preach this so much but yet to have taken my own advice.  We tend not to tell people the things that may be going on because we may be embarrassed or it may seem as if no one really can understand the things you are facing.  This statement literally clicked for me a few days ago.  I was talking to someone that I never thought in a million years that I would ever have a relationship with.  She called to talk to me about something and in the end I spilled my guts out to her.  Right then was when it clicked that I too need people.  I cannot continue to go on in life without the help of others.  God used someone I thought I would never have a conversation with and I now can actually see a wonderful friendship form out of it.  So never think for a second that you are above people.  We all need someone.  You are not the only one dealing with that issue.  Find people that you can share not just the good, but also the bad.  People that can encourage you and pray for you.  Those are the people you need in your corner.

As we walk into the new year, lets remember to always pray first, forgive those who hurt you, allow God to change your heart, and get around a group of people who will always stand in your corner.  2019 is going to be our year!  I pray for you guys all of the time and I’m wishing you all the very best year ever!

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the Season

Christmas is definitely one of my favorite holidays.  Probably at the top of my most fav holiday list.  I was super excited this year because now I get to shower Skylar with gifts even though she will only be 4 months.  Don’t judge me.  But this year was going to be totally different.  Why you ask.  Because my world would come tumbling down…

Okay yes that was a bit dramatic.  But it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t dramatic, right?  I have to take you guys back a little bit.

Transparency moment…This has probably been one of the hardest years for me.  Things wasn’t perfect with my marriage.  My immediate family was having a lot of drama.  My husband was having a hard time finding the perfect job.  Not to mention all things that come with having a newborn.  I felt like nobody would understand any of the things I was going through.  I felt alone.  Mostly because I was embarrassed of all of the chaos that was going on.

Never did I imagine that I would have so many problems.  I am someone who always puts God first.  I try to be a light wherever I go.  There is no way that so much chaos could be in my life.  But here I was a Christian with so much drama.  I can see God chuckle at me for placing myself above having trouble.

So now it is December and things are getting back on track.  My husband and I are communicating better and trying to get things back on track.  We even have bills that are ahead.  That in itself deserves a praise break.  My family is still having a little drama but it finally has quieted down.  My husband finally has a job he loves and making pretty good money.  And not to forget I have the most perfect baby ever.  Things were beginning to look up.

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Until…I look at my paycheck and notice some major deductions.  Back when I was on maternity leave I noticed my health insurance wasn’t being deducted.  During my maternity leave, I would be on long calls with the department who handles my health benefits.  They would tell me it would get fixed.  But it wasn’t fixed until the month of December.  Now they are going in and taking money for back pay.  Now I knew this was going to happen eventually, but not during Christmas time.  I immediately become sad.  Like Christmas is officially over.  No one will be able to get a gift.  I can’t surprise my husband with anything.  My daughter wont have anything coming.  I immediately start thinking about all the material things that I wasn’t going to be able to do for people.

But something shifted.   During my prayer time one morning,  I literally could hear God tell me that my focus and perspective was all wrong.  I was so busy focusing on the material things that I was forgetting the importance of what Christmas really means.  Like most of us, we usually take Christ out of Christmas.  Just being real.  That goes for me too.  This entire year I was so selfish and got away from the One who matters most.  I have been focusing on what I can do instead of what God can do.

God has been wanting me to have a relationship with Him.  Yes, I was praying but it was just to get by.  Yes, I was reading my Bible but it was to say that I did it. Yes, I was going to church but it was just to go.  I wasn’t putting in any real time with Him.  I was basically just marking off my checklist.  But God is not someone we should be placing on a checklist.  He is someone who needs our time and attention.  I believe He allowed these things to continue just so He could get my attention.

Christmas is such a busy season for everyone.  So busy that we tend to forget the things that are matters most.  Acknowledging the birth of our Lord and Savior should be at the top of the list.  God sent His son to be born who would ultimately becoming the biggest sacrifice.  Spending time with our family and friends.  Being there for others.  Using our gifts and talents for someone else other than ourselves.  Being the reason someone smiles.  Those are the things that are needed.  Those are the real gifts.  This is the very thing that God has been screaming at me this entire year.  Focus on the things that matter.

During the holiday season and the remainder of the year focus on the things that truly matter.  Spend time with those you love.  Take extra time to spend with your spouse and children.  Make time for your friends.  Help someone who is in need.  And most importantly make God your number one priority.  Don’t just fit Him into your day, make your day surrounded by Him.

I hope your Christmas is simply amazing.

Merry Christmas to my TGR family!

 

 

The Sky is the Limit

The Sky is the Limit

It feels so good to be back!  I took a little hiatus from blogging and also my YouTube channel due to my pregnancy and just life in general.  As you all know I was pregnant, but I gave birth to my baby girl 3 weeks before my due date on August 22, 2018 at 11:45am.  A lot of people have been asking me if I would share my birthing story so here we are.

So let’s get to it…

On Tuesday, August 21, 2018 around 4am, I was having what I thought to be Braxton Hicks.  I was in serious pain.  But of course I didn’t think anything of it because it wasn’t time for me to be having the baby yet.  I went to the bathroom and found my mucus plug had fallen out.  I know! Gross right?!  For those of you who do not know what a mucus plug is I will spare you the nasty details.  But if you want feel free to google.  I then called the night nurse who assured me that I was okay and that I could go on about my day as normal.

And I did exactly that.  I went to work having the worst contractions ever.  I let my supervisor know what was going on and how much pain I was in that she eventually sent me home for the day.  Not wanting to be alone, I went to my parents house while my husband was at work just in case I went into labor.  I later went home to rest still having contractions coming about every 10 minutes.

The next morning, at about 4:30am, I felt extremely weird.  I jumped out of bed and noticed my water had broke.  It felt like a tiny water balloon popping.  I screamed to my husband, “Honey!  I believe my water broke.”  He then says, “Are you sure?”  I say “I think so.”  As you can see we both were a little dilusional and had no idea as to what was going on.  I then called the night nurse who advised for us to get to the hospital.

Boy, the pain level!  The contractions kept coming faster and faster and more intense.  We finally arrived at the hospital, the nurse got me situated, and I had to fill out some paperwork.  I just wanted to have my baby and be done.  When I got in the delivery room I was 2.5 centimeters dilated.  I got my epidural at the very last minute.  Once the epidural was done I told the nurse that I felt as if I needed to have a bile movement.  She checked me out and said you don’t need to have a bile movement…it’s time to push.  They called for the doctor and it was go time.

Pushing was a lot harder than what I thought.  My husband, mom, and aunt were in the delivery room cheering and coaching me through the process.  Also my sister-in-law and both of my brothers (who were out of the country on vacation) FaceTimed in the entire time helping me get through it as well.  It was tough but I was so glad that I got to have my baby girl naturally and to be surrounded by the people I loved the most.  I started pushing around 9:30am and my baby girl was born at 11:45am.

My precious baby girl, Skylar Rayne Anderson, came three weeks early.  When the nurse gave her to me it was like every fear and doubt went away.  There were moments during my pregnancy where I thought that there was no way that I would be able to get through it.  There were days I thought how can I possibly think of someone other than myself and husband.  But as soon as I saw Skylar, I knew that I was going to live my life for her.

Every day that I look at her I always say “the Sky (Skylar) is the limit” because I want my daughter to know and also as a reminder to myself that their is no limit as to what we can do.  That no matter what she can succeed in every aspect of her life.   I want my daughter to know that she can always go higher.

I now understand when people would say that you will do whatever it takes to keep a smile on your child’s face.  I now have a clearer picture of how God feels about us, His children.  There is no way He would put us in any kind of danger or allow any harm to happen to us.  I now know what unconditional love feels like every time I look at my daughter.  No matter how many mistakes she make I will always continue to love and support her.  Just like God does for us.  No matter how many times he picks us up when we fall, He still cares.

Skylar is a constant reminder that no matter how much wrong I may have done, with her I definitely got it right.  I know that she is going to be a world changer and a leader in this generation.  It is because of her that I refuse to give up and that giving up will never be an option.

To my readers and to my daughter please never forget that the sky is the limit!

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A Letter to Christians

A Letter to Christians

Sometimes I look at social media and get a little overwhelmed with all of the different things that I see.  So many people follow their own foolish desires and allow people to feed them everything that they want to hear.  So many people who say they are so on fire for God, but yet doing everything the world says is cool.  I get it!  Because I too was once that person.  I followed ever trend and did what ever I saw someone else doing that I thought was so called “cool.”

I was the poster child for being heavily involved in church and later you would see me with a Patron bottle in my hand.  But yet I love Jesus so much but was drunk or high every weekend.  There are some nights that I can’t even account for all because of the state I was in.  Now who would want to follow someone like that?  Who would listen to a person that is full of the world?  I was literally out of control.

I was my own worst enemy.  I would do things my own way.  I was a hothead.  Thought I knew everything.  Would go against everything the Bible said was true.  All because I thought I knew what was best for me.  And this is what I see a lot of on social media.  So many people with their judgements and their opinions following their own way and rules.  And what is so sad is that most of the people I follow call themselves Christians.  Well as Christians we must do better.

I have been quiet long enough.  I have sat around and watched this go on too long.  And I may get a lot of hits on this but it’s okay.  Glad I have tough skin.

turnupgirlreverse.wordpress.com

But it’s time we stop being a part of the problem and become part of the solution.  I know a lot of you have some pretty dope God-given dreams and talents that you are keeping to yourself.  As I talked about in my last blog “New Baby, New Position,” I too almost allowed myself to sit on my God-given purpose but we cannot afford to.  So many lives are at stake.  It’s like a light bulb has finally went off for me.  I’m preaching to myself as well.  We cannot stop the very thing that God has placed in us because there are lost people out there that need our gifts.  We must remain faithful.  No matter how it may seem don’t stop giving your best to your purpose.  People’s lives are depending on it.

It is time we break free from what the world is doing and focus on what God is doing through us.  So what does that look like for us?  What can we do to not be a part of the problem.

    1. Exercise self control in everything.  We must keep a clear mind in every situation.  Don’t give in to what the world is doing.  We don’t have to give in to what ever someone else is doing.  But we can stand out by having self control in any given situation.  This is how we stay set apart from everyone else.  While everyone else is out of control we will remain in control.
    2. Endure hardship.  Yeah I know that may sound bad, but we cannot be afraid to suffer for God.  You may lose people.  People may talk badly about you.  People may walk out on you.  You may feel alone.  But that is fine because God has your back.  There is a greater reward all because you stuck it out with God.
    3. Work at telling others about Christ.  Tell your story!  Let others know how God saved you from the person you used to be.  Never hesitate in telling others how you were brought out of your situation.  Show people what it really means to be a Christ follower by being an example.
    4. Fulfill your ministry.  Live out your God-given purpose.  Whatever it is that God has called you to do, don’t sit on it.  People need your gift and they need you.  Fully carry out your mission and don’t let your talent go to waste.

This is one post that I am extremely passionate about because I am just tired of all of the craziness I see on a daily basis.  It is time we do something about it.  Everyone’s purpose will not be the same so what I do will be totally different from what you will do.  But that is what is so cool about this.  Because I will reach people that you may not be able to reach and you will be able to reach people that I necessarily cannot reach.  That is how we win people to Christ.  It starts with us.

 

New Baby, New Position

New Baby, New Position

TGR is back!  Yes, I know I have been missing for quite some time and I am here to catch you guys up.  Boy have I missed you guys!  As you can tell by the title of this blog my year started off with a bang.

Let’s get to it…

Day 1 of 2018 was when I found out I was pregnant.  Literally Jan 1st was the day that I took a pregnancy test and it read positive.  As a matter of fact one of the test showed the actual word PREGNANT.  So there was no doubt in my mind that I wasn’t pregnant with those words beaming at me.   Around that time I applied for the trainer position and had an interview scheduled right around the corner.  All I could think about was my life is starting to move way too fast and fear became my new friend.  All sorts of crazy thoughts kept popping up in my head.  How will I get this new position if I’m pregnant?  They won’t want to hire me.  I will be out a lot and then eventually will have to go on maternity leave.  There is no way they will pick me.  So many thoughts kept rushing through my head.

Now that I had fear popping up at my door I was also extremely sick in the beginning of my pregnancy.  So sick I missed a few days of work.  Fear and morning sickness were the reasons as to why there were no more blog posts, videos on TGRTv, and almost talked myself from going after the new trainer position.  I literally almost allowed two wonderful opportunities to destroy me.  Destroy my purpose and what I loved to do the most.

I’m sure a lot of you can relate of being fearful of the unknown and the what ifs.  Having a lot of unanswered questions and self doubt.  That is exactly where I found myself at the beginning of this year.  But what if I told you not only are me and my husband expecting a baby in September but I’m also the new trainer at my job.  I almost allowed sickness and fear to cripple me and keep me in the position of where I was.

New Baby, New Position

Don’t allow that to happen to you.  The enemy is so good at being deceiving.  Where I should have been totally happy, he caused me to see the bad.  I wasn’t happy with being pregnant and fearful of not being able to get the very job that I wanted.  But God sent people to push me and show me that no matter what a situation may appear to be there is really a lot of good that can come out of it.  What make it even better this was the year where I told God that I wanted to get uncomfortable.  And look at me having a baby and with a new position!

Sometimes we get so caught up in the bad that we cannot identify that it is really something good.  We will miss out on amazing opportunities all because we were just simply afraid.  That is exactly what the enemy wants.  He wants to paralyze you and keep you exactly right where you are. He doesn’t want to see you grow or improve. But I’m here to encourage you that there is more for you. That better is just around the corner. Don’t get caught up in your situation instead notice the beauty in all of the chaos that may be around you.

Don’t allow the devil to keep you from where God is taking you.  You may not have all of the answers that you need but God is always there to provide a way and guide your path.  It’s all about simply putting your trust in Him.  One promise that we should always live by is a quote that I got from one of my favorite pastors  “God’s got it and I trust Him!”  As long as we have that in the forefront of our minds and hearts there is no wrong path that we can take.  Keep trusting and keep pushing.

Is there anything that may be keeping you from that next promotion, moving in that new house, stepping out and fulfilling your God-given purpose, etc.  TGR would love to hear from you and pray for you as you continue to seek God on your next steps.  Please email turnupgirlreverse.wordpress.com.